Come full circle

life has become mundane, or so it seems. for once i would drink or party without any thought to consequence now it seems to be all that i think of. is it the cause of the media? the masses? am i giving in? or is this what needs to be? is that giving in? so full of questions once more at least i seem to be me. who am i though without friends, without those who pretend to make me feel better?
Am i a lonely one in the multitude of zeros or m i just another number missing out on what lays behind the veil? i drink my coffee bitter sweet s it is now and wonder where is the water, is it the muck from the waste that will kill me or the lack of water? i m sure there are things we as a whole need to stop doing but wht can i be sure of when it comes to my life. i am sure i want to live, but what does it mean for me to live? is it that i am of the earth and should there fore take my own advice and do for me what i want to do for the earth? or is it that i must do for the earth what i must do for myself? slight difference it sounds now but the earth and her people need life without muck. i know i can take away a lil bit of that muck but in turn i will take it in and then inevitably give it out. i want some of that light ghandi had, to be able to speak, see, listen, all that i do is look, talk, and hear. i have lost track of where i am going and have tken a path that is already there, I want more than anything to live away from all the grime and muck but that would not help those who need it. long and short of it is I am in love and i want to be more than just a lover, but what is more than that? im not sure but the times call for me to be more than i can be so i shall be all that i need to be and only a little bit of what i wnt to be.