How I wish I was not me

This pain between my heart and stomach never seems to disappear.

It is less apparent when I am in your arms.

But as soon as I am alone and I have time to think it's like a spear.

Thrown from my head down through my heart and lodging itself in my guts.

It would all be so much easier if I could just forget, not her, not you, nothing but me.

I wish I could forget all about me and how I fuck everything up.

I wish I could forget how I can never do anything how I can never say what is needed.

Oh how life would be if I weren't me.

With no feeling of responsibility over all these blind little clones.

With the ability to cry and hate and love without feeling guilty.

I have you now and this is all that matters, or at least thats what I know.

But I still feel like I cannot be happy until everyone is.

You, them, even her.

You are more than I deserve but I just don't know HOW to feel.

When nothing is forever how can I forget that we are not either.

I just want to be able to live, love and forget.

Forget about the instability of life, the transient nature of love and the knowledge that even forgetting is only temporary.

Oh, how I wish I was not me.

A Time For Change Is At Hand

Time for all to wake up and smell those "roses in your dream"
Do you smell it?
That is the shitty smell of reality!

Now WE must make this reality ours
Know that WE must plant the seeds and turn this pile of shit into a garden of roses.

A circle of white knights shall sit once more
Dragons and Tyrants will fall to the floor
And on the towers of change stand our powers
Let it be known, Camelot comes!

Very old, new Love.

I love you like no other and have always felt you were there you have gotten me through so much but now all I ask is for you to help me get through this along with all those I love.

When We Must Know Nothing Yet We Want To Know Everything

There is no longer right or wrong

Tomorrow north could mean south

Love means both life and death

And hate can't even be mustered

Up close a guiding star is just a fiery mass

All I want to know is to whom do I answer yes?


Everything must be done yet what can one do when everything is at the same time nothing. Love and life mean everything to me but now............ how can I know?

Questioning sanity?

When one sees that the ground work does not support the structure what does one do?
One can't simply tear it down and start again because the structure is in use.

Perceptions on Life

At times one finds them self at a point where death seems a wiser choice.
However when it all boils down, love and joy are worth more than anything in the entire universe, including knowledge (this fact is what keeps me living)

I perceive life as somewhat of a game.
One where I try to get to the end by following all those(unwritten)rules, having as much fun as I can and learning as much about it as possible, to make sure that next time I play, I am better than before.

Love and What it Does to Ones mind

Why is it that people who don't deserve it, get it?
Everywhere I look I see complete wankers getting what they want. Whilst I am left to be trampled over by all those who I care for.
Be it wealth, opportunity or Love I cant escape the feeling that my life is one big joke.

My girlfriend recently broke up with me for some guy called Cris.
The thing is she was the only thing in my life that mattered.
Now I have no motivation at all. I have stopped going to tafe because of my increased anxiety, stopped going to work because I don't see the point in money if I can't spend it on her and I have lost the ability to recognise my emotions.

I see people everywhere together being "in love" but now I ask what is love?
I used to think that she was the one, the one I seek in every lifetime, the one my soul is drawn to no matter what. But can love be one sided?

She says we are still friends.
Does anyone know how much it hurts to go from being the love of someones life to being their friend?

And what now?
Do I still try and be with her? It would make me happy, but what about her? Is she happier with him? Do I even love her or am I just confused?

The Universe

What I know is this.
In the centre of our solar system is the sun.
In the centre of our galaxy is a giant blackhole.
In the centre of the universe is the spot where the big bang originated

What I'm thinking is this.
Our universe will expand untill the force of the big bang surcomes to the force of gravity. At which point our universe will start to contract, becoming the object that will once again produce a big bang.
Our universe is in "The Multiverse" of alternative timelines,parallel universes, which all expand and contract creating invisible borders between one another where gravity overcomes the force of big bangs.
The cosmos is a fractal.